My Path to Mary

The short version of why I wanted to write Mary: Maiden, Mother, Matriarch began on a beautiful morning in the spring of 2013.

My first-born son was around five months old. I was playing with him in the backyard, marveling at the miracle of life that had blessed me for the first time, as all first-time mothers do. Then, staring at him from a certain angle, he reminded me of a child actor from one of my favorite biblical movies. I have watched Un Bambino di Nome Gesù, A Child Called Jesus every year since I was twenty years old, sometimes at Christmas, sometimes at Easter, or sometimes just because.

It’s a cozy Christian reimagining of the Holy Family, starting with Mary and Joseph hiding in Egypt, then coming back to Nazareth with a seven-year-old Jesus. The plot follows how one of Herod’s men realizes that the one child that had escaped the killing of the innocents was the only child meant to die, and the Holy Family needs to keep moving to protect their child. The movie also portrays how Jesus might have been as a divine child, making birds out of clay, and healing a woman’s daughter from leprosy. He also regularly has visions of “The Man from Nazareth,” his future self.

The actor who played Jesus, Matteo Bellina—now a man—had a tender, innocent child’s face brimming with wisdom. He’s one of those kids who looks like an old soul. It was perfect casting. My baby son reminded me of this face. The face of child Jesus in the movie.

This sparked a question. How would it feel to be the mother of Jesus? How did it feel for Mary to be the mother of The Messiah?

I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like questions without answers, so, I dug into Mariology and Jesus’s “lost years” to find the answer to my question. This journey made me realize that Mary of Nazareth is the most amazing human who ever existed, second only to Jesus. I completely fell in love with her. Mary became my spiritual home.

Ever since I had left the Catholic Church when I was twelve years old, I had been on a journey studying all mythologies, faiths, and religions. I was trying to find God’s truth, love, goodness, and beauty. In all that exploration, it never occurred to me to try to put myself in Mary’s shoes. Virgin Mary was often presented to me as an Icon, a Queen above us all, not someone relatable.

But through my research, I discovered a different version of Mary, holy and human, sinless yet shaken. Mary is a brave, wise, compassionate, and relatable mother not just to her only son, but to us too. I discovered, like my confirmation saint Thérèse of Lisieux once said, “She is more Mother than Queen.”

Thanks to Mary, I returned full circle to the Catholic Church. This written personal Catholic reimagining—grounded in enduring traditions, from Marian sources, including Coptic and Orthodox churches, Catholic Dogma and biblical accounts with a touch of symbolism—is the best way I know how to express my love for her.